THE DARK NIGHT OF THE SOUL

Have you ever experienced:

- that all your spiritual skills you ever had or learnt just do not seem to work anymore

- that all the practices you have used efficiently day by day for many years for your own personal growth now make no difference

- fear of such amplitude has taken over, that you never even imagined before

- a deep sense of feeling lost as if there was no help at all.

How scary is that?!

If all that was not enough suddenly all the divine connection and communication with the angelic realms, ascended masters, star beings, crystals you used to have is just no longer available as if no one could hear you anymore, you are all alone in your challenges.

This state is referred to as the “Dark night of the soul”. I believe we all go through this initiation at some stages of our own personal growth. I read many spiritual guides sharing similar experiences, and many of my friends also had some levels of it happening. I had 2-3 already in the past 15 years, but this last one was more intense than any other I had before. I have experienced it on and off for about 5-6 months and it was not an easy journey. I questioned everything in my life, including God or source, myself, even the purpose we are here for.

Yet, the moment I stepped into healing work - which I mostly stayed away from - it was working and was powerful, more than before and my teaching work also, those were not affected somehow, but when I went home, I was going through hell and back again. How is this even possible?! I consider myself a highly conscious person. How can I feel so lost?

At the same time, I also noticed the number 7 everywhere in many forms 777, 7777 or even more of the same. If I have learnt one thing in the past, I do know that 7-s are always a message of stepping into your own mastery and a change in your celestial guides. When that happens, they leave you for a while until the new guides step in. That is when you feel you are totally abandoned. I had experiences like that before for a few weeks, a month, but never for this long. However, it did give me faint hope, that it will be over, eventually.

While you are in this phase, it feels very much like you are totally lost. Although I did use that word so many times when I was going through it, trust me, you are not lost at all! Maybe quite the opposite. You are actually finding the path back to yourself. Breaking away from the old constructs. I also felt like I am in a chrysalis, like when a caterpillar is turning into a butterfly, but when you are in that chrysalis, you have no idea that you will eventually become a beautiful butterfly. Even if you knew, you would have had no clue when exactly that would happen. You might go through stages of devastation, helplessness, hopelessness, extreme unjustified fear and yet somewhere deep inside you know, that surely this cannot be IT. All the hard work of 15 years felt lost and all in vain as nothing worked. I could not meditate the way I used to, I could not focus on it, breathwork hardly made any difference, I felt a deep disconnect.

WHO AM I? – was the big question? Am I willing to let go of all the ego constructs, conditionings of society, family, friends of who I am?

I had to face my shadow side. And before I carry on, let’s clarify what that means. Your shadow side is not your “bad” part (there is no such thing), your shadow part is your deepest fears, and your deepest wounds, anything you operate from fear instead of love. At this point there was no running away from them. I had to look them deep in the eye, had to embrace and accept them. Yes, I was afraid, even frightened of so many things, of failing, not manifesting my dreams, being outcast, betrayed, not being able to serve the divine, the list is endless. I felt totally alone, like no one could help me. Even though I knew I have many healer friends that could support me, I felt I mostly need to face this alone. For a while you fight, you try to fix it, fix yourself, fix the situation… But then slowly you realize there is nothing to fix. There comes a point when after all the struggle you just SURRENDER. You allow just to be. There is no point fighting, just switch off, listen, mostly within until you start to feel your heart that whispers to you very gently: it is all going to be OK.  And fears start to lose their power; they slowly fall away naturally. The beasts (that you created in the first place) turn into flickering light or a pearl. It is a bit like when someone is drowning, first you fight, try to keep on the surface, but when you cannot make it, you eventually let go and just float down and down like a leaf falling from the tree, and all you can feel is peace within. This is what it felt like after a while. A total surrendering. But you must surrender! You have to learn to be silent and hear the whisper of your heart and trust, that it will indeed be ok! Your heart will also whisper, that there are other ways, not just the one way your ego is holding onto.  

What did help in the process was to be in nature, pretty much all the time and just be. Watch nature, the birds singing and flying, ducks swimming, the dragonflies zooming around, feel the stroking of the warm rays of the Sun, watch the sparkling stars... Anything, just BE! Be present, be in the moment! Forget about the past, as all it does is keep you holding on to the hurt, the pain. The truth is, the past no longer exists. Also, do not worry about the future! There are so many millions of versions of it, just have a pure intention to create the best, the happiest even if you cannot imagine it. You can no longer manifest it the way we used to. We used to take action towards it, but somehow that is not efficient anymore, now it is all about being present to allow it to happen. I learnt to make decisions purely from my heart lately, taking big risks, and the one question that was in focus was: What is good for ME at this moment? What serves me to be happy and content? How can I love myself more through my life choices?

You have to learn to be the first in your life! Stop pleasing! Stop thinking about what other people think! MAKE CHANGES! LOVE YOURSELF! LOVE YOUR CHOICES! LOVE LIFE!

Make sure, when you get to the point of the chrysalis opening up, a point of slowly touching ground and feeling safe again, not to start judging yourself! … like I could have dealt with these better…. No! Stop right there and then! It is self-love that you have learnt most of all through this experience, so do not spoil it. Rather be grateful, that you are now coming out of it and you have learnt so much, and changed and transformed so much. This process is alchemy on a deep soul level. Being in the chrysalis is transformational, it is the alchemy of changing fear into love. 

This is a new beginning as now you are facing a new version of you. A version that you have never been before. You are unlearning the old and allowing the true version of you to come forth, to remember who you are. Be patient with yourself and allow the new, best path to enfold in front of you. Trust your heart, that is the best guide! Quiet the mind and listen to the whispering of your heart!

Remember that there is always light in the darkness! All you have to do is shine that unique, beautiful light of yours no matter how much darkness surrounds you. You cannot be anything else but light and love. That is the choice you have to make! Love conquers all. And you will find peace, the kind that you did not even know you wished for.

So, if you feel you are going through your own experience of the dark night of the soul, stop fighting, quiet the mind, listen to your heart and surrender. The butterfly will emerge. Allow the rebirth to take place.

If you feel you need support in the process, I am here to support you, with all my experience of it.

Check out my upcoming events on Eventbrite or on my Instagram or book a 1:1 session!

Remember, you are not alone, there is a way out!

Lots of love and light as always,

Nóra Hormay

spiritual guide